A Letter To The Government

Dear Government

You might have noticed that more and more people are getting poorer. Maybe you care, maybe you don't. Either way it is your problem. I know you have been trying to improve people's lives and for that I give you three brownie points for the effort. However I believe you haven't been trying hard enough. You have failed to recognise that not everyone wants a tender (although that seem to be the picture you are painting, not intentionally I hope). Not everyone wants a house in Sandton or a BMW. You'll be amazed that most people are happy to get by with a decent house and a job. You seem to be distributing a lot of tax-payers money but do you really know where is it going or you are just turning a blind eye.

I'm not writing this to highlight your problems, which are pretty obvious, but offer solutions. See, I love this country. I don't want it to get to a point where poor people decide to take up arms and demand what's theirs. I'm certain that's not want you want unless uyahlanya. So here are few of my solutions:

RDP Houses

Here is a scenario: You build houses for the poor but then they end up at the wrong owners. So what do you to stop this from happening. Recently it was reported that six out of ten matriculants won't find jobs. Perhaps you'd wanna use the matriculants from those areas to monitor and report if houses are allocated correctly. I doubt they'll be required to have a university degree to perform these tasks.

Education

You'll agree with me that the standard of education in this country has decreased. This, you'll agree with me again, is the result of poor prior preparation. Having realised this, I propose that you build speciality high schools all over the country. There should be a school that is strictly dedicated to science, another one to accounting, and so on. These schools should be designed to cater only for poor bright kids. In this way we prepare them for varsity and also avoid skill shortages in the future. You're probably thinking where the money for all of this is going to come from. I suppose if you have 17 million rands to entertain presidents and kings, another millions of rands to buy MPs cars, then it shouldn't be difficult to raise 3 million rands to build a school. I'm just saying.

Social Grants

Growing up in a township I have witnessed the abuse of social grants. Half the money doesn't even go to the intended recipients. It is used usually for alcohol consumption or other unnecessary things like KFC (Not saying that the poor kid shouldn't have KFC, it's just that there are more important things) . Here is my suggestion: How about you stop giving out cash. Is that it? No it's not it, at least not only it. A recipients gurdian or parent would need to declare the child's needs before they are given a grant. Design credit-card style cards that can be used at department stores for purchases instead of giving out cash. Make deals with departments stores where a child's material needs maybe fulfilled. This will also decrease corruption as people will now realise that there is no cash involved and therefore no temptation. Another thought: why don't you start taxing grants less than 1% and use the money for health care.


So these are my suggestions. Use them. Don't use them.

MPUMALANGA MATRIC QUESTION PAPER (Very Funny)

This I found when I was listening to 702 Radio. A Mpulalanga Province exam paper. I thought it was hilarious. Obviously it's not a real exam paper.

MPUMALANGA MATRIC QUESTION PAPER

Time Limit: 3 DAYS

Name: _____________________________

1. What language is spoken in Lesotho?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR-
give the first name of Jabu Pule.

3. Would you ask Mzekezeke to
___ (a) lecture a science class
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) sing kwaito

4 What religious denomination is the Pope?
___ (a) ZCC
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Atheist
___ (d) Zimbabwean
(make 2 guesses)

5. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is
on the 6? (clue:30 minutes before Jam Alley on Fridays)

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are Xhosa-speaking people called?
___ (a) Shangaans
___ (b) Israelites
___ (c) Xhosas

9. Spell: Bush, Hussein and Mugabe

Bush: ____________________________________________
Hussein: __________________________________________
Mugabe: __________________________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being
George the Sixth. Name the previous five:

11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Hollywood
___ (b) September 11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are braai-stands used for?

14. The Springbok Rugby team plays?
(a)Black-maipatile
(b)Rugby

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell
your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

(a)2nd Floor

(b)At the bottom of the building

17. When can the sun be clearly seen?
___ (a) During the day
___ (b) At night

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you
have?

19. What does SABC (South African Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?

20. The Auckland Park Wits University campus in Johannesburg, where can
it be found?

___ (a) Auckland Park
___ (b) Auckland in Australia
________________________________________________________________________
________________

Amazingly the pass rate is the lowest

Dude! Where Are The Fans?!

Last night on Discovery Sports Centre with Robert Marawa, I listened in dismay as the PSL CEO, Kjetil Siem, tried to explain why people don't go to stadiums. He tossed and turned, ducked and dived. By the end of the interview I still had no clue what was he saying. He was worse than Floyd Shivambu trying to explain why he said Helen Zille sleeps around. Well Mr Siem let me teach you a thing or two about SA football.

The main reason why fans no longer flock to the stadium is simple: PSL football is boring, period. It has nothing to do do with the price of tickets or how far the venue is or this or that. Bottom line: SA football is not entertaining. Studies have shown that people would pay exuberant amounts of money to watch whatever as long as they have something to gain out it. The World Cup 2010 being the prime example. Now, who would want to pay their money to watch dull football. I'd rather stay at home, at least there I can switch the channels should I get bored. It's so boring I once fell asleep during the Soweto Derby. Imagine...!

SA Football : As It Was

South African football has always been characterized by ball jugglers and individual players. We called it 'diski'... Let me take you back: I used to get fascinated when my uncle would passionately relate the stories of how Lucas 'Masterpieces' Moripe, Moran 'Samora' Khulu, Ephraim Matsilela 'Jomo' Sono, Joel 'Ace' Mnini, Frank 'Jingles' Parrera, Mlungisi 'Professor' Ngubane, Amos 'Heel Extension' Mkhari, Henry 'Mthofi' Khumalo were legends. He says Patson Banda was so good that when he saved a ball he will throw it back to the opposing team striker for him to try and score and he will save it again. Bear in mind that this was during an official game. And that's why people packed the stadiums to witness such brilliance.

As one grow I witnessed the talent of Doctor '16V' Khumalo, Tebogo Moloi, Helman Mkhelele, Sizwe Motaung, John Moeti, Simon Magagula, Zane Moosa, Scara Ngobese, Jabu Pule, etc. These players defined SA football. I'm not a Chiefs fan but I'd go to the stadium just watch Jabu Pule mesmerize the opposition.

SA Football: As It Is

Truth be told, foreign coaches and club administrators killed SA football. SA football style is so distorted that we don't even know what to call it. You can't call it English unless you want the English fans to go all hooligan on you! You can't call it Spanish unless you want to insult Messi! You can't call it Brazillian unless well, you know....! Have you ever tried watching a game between Maritburg United and Wits. My goodness! What a yawn! Last time we experienced the true SA diski was when Konstadin Papic was a coach at Orlando Pirates (I'm not being biased here just stating the facts). Why do soccer bosses keep on hiring these foreign coaches who come here to fail and then leave our football in shambles?

Way Forward

If you want fans to fill up the stadiums bring back 'diski'

Joy - Paradise Road

Come with me down paradise road
This way please, I’ll carry your load
This you won’t believe.
Come with me to paradise skies
Look outside and open your eyes
This you must believe.

There are better days before us
And a burning bridge behind, fire smokin’ the sky is blazing,
There’s a woman waiting weeping
And a young man nearly beaten all for love.
Paradise was almost closin’ down.

Come with me to paradise days
It’ll change your life, it’ll shore change your ways
This you won’t believe.
Take my hand down paradise lane
Away from heart ache with out any pain
I know ‘cause I have been.

There are better days before us
And a burning bridge behind, fire smokin’, the sky is blazing,
There’s a woman waiting weeping
And a young man nearly beaten all for love.
Paradise was almost closin’ down.

There are better days before us
And a burning bridge behind, fire smokin’, the sky is blazing,
There’s a woman waiting weeping
And a young man nearly beaten all for love

You must believe - you must believe this
You must believe - you must believe this
You must believe - you must believe this...
There are better days...

Kwaito Is Not Dead...

Kwaito is not dead. It's alive and well in our hearts...That's what I thought when I watched 'Kwaito Revolution' on SABC 1...

Who can forget Trompies, Boomshaka, Makhendlas, Arthur (when he was still making nice music), Bongo Maffin, Mafikizolo, Mdu, Mashamplan, Skeem, Alaska, TKZee...The list goes on and on!

Nostalgia! Nostalgia!!

Tiger in the Woods!!

So Tiger Woods cheated on his wife and the whole world seem devastated by the news. People are calling him all sorts of names, the popular one being 'Che(e)(a)ter Woods'. I then ask why? I am always dismayed by the hypocrisy of the world. Had Tiger been Sipho from Alex, his behavior would have somehow been accepted and wouldn't have made headlines. But he is Tiger Woods they say. I then ask 'Who is Tiger Woods'? He is not God! He is a man just like me and you. He is susceptible to blunders just like everyone else. The only difference between us and him is that he won few golf championships. Then why crucify him?!

I think the real reason why people are mad at him is because people are always looking for heroes, someone who is faultless. Someone like Superman or Batman.Someone they can model their lives around. Well, let me burst your bubble - there are no perfect heroes out there. Spiderman is a myth! My friend Nonkuleko Godana once said that the only hero you'll ever find is the one you see in the mirror.

I am in no way justifying what Tiger did. I don't condone it but I understand. People need to learn that there are two kinds of men : Those who cheat and those who think about it. Chris Rock even said that 'A man is only as faithful as his options' - that theory is yet to be proven.
Let Tiger sort this thing with his wife. I doubt though that she'd leave him. The dude is rich. Ok, I'm just being silly here! All I am saying is let's leave him alone.

Tiger Woods erred. Let's forgive the guy and the reason why we should it is because all of us live in glass houses. The guy has won fourteen major golf championships. Can we not focus on that?

Ras Dumisani is the FUTURE!!

I do not understand the furore surrounding Ras Dumisani. I personally think it was quite entertaining. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw it for the first time.

Yes I understand that the national anthem is the national pride and it should be respected. However if you look at the circumstances surrounding the nomination of Ras Dumi to sing the anthem, you'd understand that Dumi is not at fault. It turns out that Dumisani was recommended by the South African embassy in France. Their explanation for choosing him is that he was the only available South African artist on their database. After this explanation who can honestly blame Ras Dumisani. Certainly not me!

Truth be told, what did people expect from a reggae singer - Luciano Pavarotti? Ras was ask to sing and that's what he did. Anything else is irrelevant. The Springboks are blaming him for the lost - how lame! The YCL wants him arrested - how pathetic! I bet the same people baying for Ras Dumi's blood can't even sing the whole of national anthem.
I think we should rather address real issues rather than use Dumi as a scapegoat...and that issue is that South Africa is far from being united.

I say big ups to Ras Dumi. He did what he needed to do and he shouldn't be apologetic about it.